My heart started pumping fast. Somewhere in my peripheral vision, a familiar face showed up.
One that I wasn't sure I was ready to see.
My feet continued to trudge the speed of the treadmill while my mind filled with a hodgepodge of thoughts. At one point, I recalled how I took a liking of him. At another, I remembered how his dick used to slide smoothly into my throat.
How he used to plow my ass real good.
A few minutes passed. It felt that my usual 20-minute running routine was taking longer than usual to finish. By the end of the 20th minute, I hit the "Stop" button—and instead of stretching my muscles with the rowing machine like I always do, I went straight to the leg press beside where he was doing pull ups.
"Hey," I greeted with a small wave. I then sat in position, adjusted the weights and started with my leg press.
"Oh, hi!" he greeted back. "What are you doing here?"
He wondered why I was not in Makati. It slipped his mind that it's a holiday. We exchanged some more small talk before going on our separate ways to carry on our individual routines.
I couldn't concentrate. A small part of me was feeling that dangerous, exhilarated feeling I used to get when indulging into the blunders of the past. Another bit was dismissing the confusion in my thoughts, convinced that my worries were groundless. But mostly, I was scared—of the consequences, of the pain I would surely cause—if I find myself engulfed in the flames of lust again.
Why do these kinds of situations keep putting me into a test recently?
After an hour, I went to the locker room to change. He was nowhere to be seen. There was only one place where he could be, and knowing where to go, I stripped into my underwear, took a quick shower, and went into the sauna.
He started the conversation this time. We talked about my job, his decision to defer residency for corporate work, my plans to take PhD, his plans to take his residency overseas. The conversation mellowed as we talked, and then he asked about my partner.
Oh.
It was at this point where I completely loosened up. He knew, and he didn't seem to have any intention to tease, to drag me into the vortex of lust we used to share. To my surprise, to be honest, as this was very far from the aggressiveness I had to dodge previously whenever he would ask for sensual favors. I was caught in complete awe, in admiration.
He offered me a ride like how he always did. I willingly obliged, wanting to know more about this man who seemed to have changed in a considerably short span of time.
We talked about random things: my guy, our shared interest in EDM and trance, Armin's recently concluded Intense tour in Manila, Distillery as a social laboratory, his occasional adventures with E, my partiality with MJ. Moments passed and I did not notice; in what seemed like just a minute, it was time to get off his car.
I thanked him, shook his hand and shut the door. As I waited for my next ride, I felt convinced that we will see each other again.
Boom this story! Welcome back to the blogging world :) Hope to read more from you soon.
ReplyDeleteThanks. :)
DeleteI am lucky not to have moments like these; I don't know how I would handle it.
ReplyDeleteIt was awkward, yes. :)
Deletehmmm... interesting. The daunting past. I doubt I'll have such experience.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you say so?
Delete