Prayer

In what seemed like years, I went to the church and lit up four, yellow candles.

The first candle I lit for my career. I wished for more resilience and even more courage, as I always find myself succumbing to self-doubt whenever faced with what I do not know. I wished for an enabling mindset to see the unknown not as detriments but instead as chances to learn and expand by horizons. This candle also burned in appreciation of humility , having learned that being in a position of power at a young age can be a double-edged sword.

The second candle I lit for my graduate studies. I wished for time to be more sufficient so I can continue---and more. I wished for enough willpower to sustain my desire for further studies, which I intend to pursue after finishing my current degree.

The third candle I lit for wealth. I wished to be always reminded to feel rich, so that I will be rich. I wished for contentment of what I receive, as it is more than enough but I would still find it lacking.

The last candle I lit for the past. The past few weeks have been filled with flashbacks, reawakened emotions and desires. I wondered what happened to Jay, with whom I shared a confused and estranged sexual relationship. I wondered how a simpler life can suddenly  become so appealing, having always wanted to get out of college and live my dreams. I wondered how it would feel like to relive the past, if it would somehow give answers to some bugging questions I have in mind.

And so I write again.